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So I guess we need to talk about Orlando punching the Biebs.

Apologies for the slight delay in this post, boos. I wanted to be  a thousand percent sure that I wanted to write this before putting it out there, because to be honest, I’m not sure anyone is going to agree with me on this one and I just needed a hot minute to build up my mental energy before I engaged with this story, you know? Anyway, I’m ready, so let’s get into it.

Okay, so Biebs and Bloom were both at Cipriani restaurant in Ibiza, and after a verbal altercation, Orlando tried to punch Biebs. You can watch videos here because I can’t embed them for you. The reports I’ve read also state that Paris Hilton and LiLo were there partying (please let THAT be a thing that starts happening again, I’d die of happiness), as well as Diddy and my boo DiCaprio.

Here’s the thing. I get why people hate Bieber, I do. He’s an entitled brat with too much money and too many yes men and hangers on around him, so he’s grown up from being a sweet kid to a huge douchebag. So if Orlando had punched Biebs because of that, I’d be like ‘yeah, okay. I get it.’

Except that we all know that’s not the reason Bloom tried to punch him, don’t we? I mean, this is the most classic case of misplaced anger I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Bloom, I get that you’re pissed, but it’s not Bieber’s fault that you tried (and failed) to make a ho a housewife.


The entire time Miranda and Orlando were together there were rumours on rumours on blind items on rumours about her sleeping with half of Hollywood, and as much as rumours are rumours and you have to take them with a grain of salt, sometimes there’s no smoke without fire.


Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Miranda Kerr. She’s a grown woman, she makes her own choices, she can fuck all of Hollywood and get all the billionaire dick the world has to offer. More power to her, if that’s what she wants to do. Choosing to do it while being married to someone is… not ideal, but at the end of the day, it makes no difference to me or my life, so I’m sort of whatevs about her at this point.

My point is, if you’re married to someone, and they cheat on you, it’s really your spouse who’s at fault there, rather than the third party. I mean, yeah, it’s shady as fuck, but at the end of the day, if they’re not married to you, they don’t really owe you shit. And let’s be real for two seconds here. If you were a guy and Miranda Kerr came up to you while she still married to Orlando, would you be like “Ooh sorry, I’d really like to but I’m just too good a dude for that. Bro code, ya know?”

Apparently my opinion is not a popular one though, because pretty much every report that I’ve read has focused on how Bloom is a hero for punching the douchebag Justin Bieber in the face.

Anyway, a quick round up of eyewitness rumours, courtesy of ontd:

– Leo was there and cheered Orlando on, which is interesting to me because there was definitely a blind item about him fucking Miranda Kerr way before the Bieber/Miranda rumours.

– While Leo cheered Orlando on, Lindsay was laughing because she found the whole thing hysterical. Or maybe she was just drunk.

Post-fight, Biebs posted a photo of Miranda Kerr (which he later deleted), then a photo of Orlando Bloom “crying.” Meanwhile, Miranda posted a photo of her and Flynn walking, as if to say “I am not getting involved in any of this mess. I’m walking awaaaaaaay, from the troubles in my life.”

A lot of celebs have taken sides, and no one is on team Biebs, which again, seems sort of ridiculous to me. Like I said, I get that Biebs is a douchebag, I do. But we made him this way. He grew up in a fame bubble. My concern with Biebs is that I just have this feeling that this backlash he’s receiving at the moment is going to push him into a breakdown that’s going to be really, really sad. Britney-breakdown-level sad. But we’ll see.

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