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Justin Timberlake obviously didn’t want to reunite with *NSYNC, Miley is the most ratchet white girl of all time, and other things that happened at the 2013 MTV VMAs.

The 2013 MTV VMAs were on once again, and as usual, they were kind of a hot mess, but they wouldn’t be the VMAs if they weren’t blasting trainwreck vibes all over the place, right?

Click below to watch the performances, read my thoughts on the show, and to find out who won what? Hint: Not Miley, and she is PISSED about it.

Okay, firstly, you can watch all the performances of the night in HD over at MrWorldPremiere.

Lady Gaga:


Gaga’s bored face for the first 30 seconds is kind of my reaction to this entire performance, tbh. The black catsuit was sick, I loved it, and the ode to her own career was cool because it reminded me of a time when I was a Gaga fan. Unfortunately, that time has long passed now. Also, there is some pretty obvious lipping going on in this performance for someone who’s always so ‘real singers sing live blah blah whatever’. Obviously her main concern in this performance was showing her fans what’s important to her, which is getting applause, and the fact that she’s lost all that weight she gained when she busted her hip.

On the plus side, it gives me a new opportunity to use this GIF:

fix ya wig

But really, was this a VMA-opening worthy performance? No, no it wasn’t.


Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, Kendrick Lamar and 2 Chainz


… Where to begin?

Well, if she doesn’t want people to think she’s just some ‘ratchet white girl’, she is not really going about it in the right way, is she?

Rihanna and her BFF’s expressions at 2:33 SLAYED me. They’re just like ‘Oh. What? What is happening?’

anigif_enhanced-buzz-13967-1377481565-19 (1)

Okay, so the ‘We Can’t Stop’ performance was pretty much what we were expecting, right? But I don’t think anything could’ve prepared my soul for what my eyes were about to be subjected to when Robin Thicke came out dressed as Beetlejuice. Miley twerking up on Robin Thicke’s crotch while wearing nude-coloured PVC underwear is not something that one CAN prepare for, though, is it? It seriously looked like an episode of SVU, and it made me feel dirty.




I mean, it seriously looks like he’s a pervy father-figure type who’s gotten her drunk at the family barbecue and is going to end up in jail for blurring the lines of appropriate behaviour.

This happened, and it is taking over the internet:

Miley VMA crotch

As is the Smith family reaction:


Jaden’s face. I can’t.

Charlie Kelly IASIP laughing



Bruno Mars


Bruno Mars is an excellent singer who I am not particularly interested in. I wish he’d performed ‘Locked Out of Heaven’ instead though.


Macklemore, Ryan Lewis and Jennifer Hudson


The stage was beautiful and and overall fantastic performance. Nothing more to add, really.




If you pretend this song is about Amanda Bynes it’s way more fun to watch. He has Craig David hair. Rihanna’s reaction to this is also pretty amazing. She is too cool to be at the VMAs this year, apparently. Jaden Smith’s reaction at the end was really cute.


Kanye West


… I don’t really know what to say about this performance since he might as well have just recorded a live vocal of the song and not bothered turning up, right? I really like the song, too, but perhaps it wasn’t the best live choice since pretty much the entire last segment of the song got bleeped.


Justin Timberlake


Performance of the night. Great song selection, his dancing was on point, overall it was amazing and a great walk down memory lane. I just wish Justin wasn’t such an asshole about the *NSYNC reunion. ‘You asked for it. You asked for it,’ while looking pressed at having to share 2 minutes of his 16 MINUTE performance with the band who made him famous is the kind of ungrateful crap that makes me dislike him. He kind of made up for it at the end when he thanked them, but still. Your hostility did not go unnoticed, JT.


Katy Perry


A close runner up for performance of the night. Great choreography, a good theme, she worked the live to lip-synch ratio to her advantage, a great finish to a rocky award show.


Other things that happened: Miley didn’t win anything and she was MAD about it:

Screen Shot 2013-08-26 at 3.06.36 PM


And Taylor Swift told One Direction to shut the fuck up:

Taylor Swift shut the fuck up

Selena’s reaction to this is amazing. Like ‘oh, God. Here we go again. I’m going to have to listen to her bitch about Harry for the rest of the night now. Again.’


And the winners were…


Pink, feat. Nate Ruess, “Just Give Me A Reason”


30 Seconds to Mars, “Up in the Air”


Selena Gomez, “Come and Get It”


Janelle Monae feat. Erykah Badu, “Q.U.E.E.N”


Justin Timberlake, “Suit and Tie”


Bruno Mars, “Treasure”


Capital Cities, “Safe and Sound”


Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton, “Can’t Hold Us”


Justin Timberlake, “Mirrors”


Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, feat. Ray Dalton, ”Can’t Hold Us”


Taylor Swift, “I Knew You Were Trouble”


Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, feat. Mary Lambert, “Same Love”


One Direction, “Best Song Ever”


Austin Mahone


Bruno Mars, “Locked Out of Heaven”


Related posts:

The 2013 MTV VMAs red carpet.

Watch Miley Cyrus’ new promo for the MTV VMAs, and her new album will be called…

The 2013 Teen Choice Awards winners and recap!

The 2013 Teen Choice Awards red carpet.

The red carpets from the 2013 Do Something and Young Hollywood awards, and the Fox All-Star Party, and the stories I don’t have time to tell you about: August 1 – 3, 2013.


So what do you have to say about that, then?

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