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Kanye West doesn’t want North West to ever get Kanye’d at an award show, and check out the first photo of North West.

I am still not over that name, to be honest. Like, there’s really no two ways about it. It’s dumb. It’s a dumb name. Don’t worry, I’m sure the directional baby will agree with me as soon as she’d old enough to comprehend what her parents have done to her. But that’s not why we’re here today. Kanye gave Kris Jenner his first interview since Kim gave birth, and he talked about parenthood and paparazzi, mostly, so let’s talk about what he had to say!

On how seeing his dream girl Kim Kardashian for the first time was ‘definitely’ love at first:

“I was in love with her before I ever got to talk to her.”

He also says that he wanted to bone her so bad before he was with her that he was “thinking of taking up sports.” I am paraphrasing with the use of the word ‘bone’ there, but like, let’s not dance around it. He wrote a whole song about it:

 

On becoming a parent:

“[I’m] a brand new person. My only goal is to protect her.”

If that’s the case then he should get down to the court and change her name now before she starts school.

 

On how he and Kim bring out the best in each other, and how North has changed their relationship:

“[North has brought us] closer… there’s someone more important to us than us for the first time. There’s only one brand now, and it’s family… that’s the only one I care about.”

Oh, you know what’s happening here? This isn’t an interview with Kanye West about his baby daughter, this is Kris Jenner baptism and confirmation of Kanye West into the kult of Kardashian. He is one of them now. Say hello to Kanye Kardashian, everyone. Congratulations, Kris, now you’ve got a huge superstar rapper to ‘momage’ along with all your daughters. Everyone look out for Kanye Kardashian’s next album, a greatest hits called the ‘Kanye Kardashian’s Kollection [KKK]’.

 

On moving into the Kardashian home:

 “It’s interesting… there’s noise happening all the time.”

Hahaha he hates it.

 

On his specific skill set:

‘[I’m a] musical genius, [but] I can’t work the car seat.’

He goes on to say that he now practices with the car seat at 3am because he has nightmares about the paparazzi yelling at him while he’s trying to work it in public.

 

On the paparazzi:

‘They’re emotional bullies [who are] only around your to make money off you.’

Michelle Obama GIF sass eye roll

FLOTUS JUDGES YOU, YEEZUS.

I am so over his anti-paparazzi thing. You know, I know I’m biased, but I actually don’t have a lot of sympathy for most celebs in a post-Britney-circa-2007 era when it comes to the paparazzi. I’ve never seen Kanye confronted by a paparazzi swarm anywhere close to the level of that, but I have seen him flip the fuck out on a paparazzo when there’s like 5 guys around. I shudder to think what he’d be like if he went outside and his life looked like this:

Britney Spears paparazzi

That being said, the last guy Kanye beat up was the same guy Britney hit with an umbrella back in the day, so maybe that guy’s just a particularly shit dude.

 

On his idols Walt Disney and Steve Jobs:

“[They were both able to] mix art and commerce.”

 

On why it’s “disturbing” that he’s portrayed as a monster in the media:

“[The] only thing I want to do in life is help people!”

“The last thing that I would want to happen to my daughter is some crazy, drunk black guy in a leather shirt to come up and cut her off at an awards show.”

Show of hands for people who think Kanye will be one of those parents who’s constantly at North’s school fighting with her teachers any time she doesn’t get perfect grades, an award she’s going for, or the role in the school play that she wanted.

 

And finally, here is North West:

North West Kim Kardashian Kanye West

 

Related posts:

And now for another quotable Kanye West interview.

So North West. That’s a person’s actual name now.

Kim K gave birth, the week in celebrity social media, and the stories I don’t have time to tell you about: June 16, 2013.

The soundtrack for ‘The Great Gatsby’ is already iconic and the damn film’s not even out yet.

Okay, let’s talk about Kimye’s baby.

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