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Amanda Bynes told RiRi that Chris Brown beat her because she’s ugly, and some other batshit things she’s said in the last few hours.

AMANDA!

Britney X factor shock gif

I feel like Amanda and Rihanna are my kids and they’re fighting. I love them both, but I feel like I should pull Amanda aside and tell her to apologise to her sister for being so mean or I’ll take away her internet privileges, you know?

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Amanda Bynes says the cop who arrested her ‘sexually harassed’ her and ‘slapped her vagina’, and other things that have happened in the last 36 hours.

I knew I shouldn’t have trusted Amanda to lay low while I went out and got shitfaced last night, because she is on an express train to crazy town and it doesn’t stop for anyone! Also, as a sidenote, I was at a quiz night last night, and anytime I didn’t know an answer (which was ALWAYS because I am only knowledgeable in pop culture, tbh), I would just say ‘AMANDA BYNES!’

Point is, I’m pretty sure I made some enemies last night but #YOLO. They may have won the quiz night but I won the world’s biggest hangover. Suck it, losers.

Anyway okay, we’ve got lots to talk about, let’s get into it.

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I told you Amanda Bynes shaved her head again, and other updates on her arrest.

I knew it! Homegirl is looney-fuckin’-tunes. Dye your hair, shave your head. Wait for it to grow out, get ELEVEN THOUSAND DOLLAR extensions. Shave half of them off. Shave the other half off. Get arrested wearing a two dollar wig. Get upset when the cops make you take off said wig in order to take your mugshot. You guys, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. She is #goals.

But all of that is beside the point, and we’ve got quite a bit to cover from the last seven or so hours, so let’s get straight into it.

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Miley Cyrus topless, another preview for ‘Arrested Development’ and the stories I don’t have time to tell you about: May 25, 2013.

Miley Cyrus Maxim topless

Click here for uncensored.

So supposedly, this is a leaked image from Miley’s recent Maxim shoot, which may be legit because her nails, necklace and jeans all look like they match to me.

Miley Cyrus Maxim

While we’re all waiting patiently/anxiously for season four of ‘Arrested Development’, here’s another preview to tide you over in the meantime.

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt wrote and directed a film so he could bang Scarlett Johansson and watch porn for money. Watch the trailer for ‘Don Jon’.

That Joseph Gordon-Levitt, he’s got his life all figured out, doesn’t he? I feel like he’s kind of living out most guy’s dream here. Click below to watch the hilarious and touching trailer:

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Amanda Bynes got her ass arrested and hospitialised because she ditched her bong out the window, AFTER letting the cops into her apartment. Of course.

For actual weeks there was no news on the Amanda front and now homegirl can’t even keep it together long enough to let me get through a work day before she makes the headlines again. That takes some dedication, and for that, I commend her.

So, let’s talk about how Amanda’s past 24 hours have escalated from ‘InTouch has ugly staff members and I’m suing them all!’, you know, the usual, to ‘Amanda Bynes arrested in felony bong-tossing!’, shall we?

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Amanda Bynes remains sane, InTouch magazine remains staffed by ugly people, according to Amanda’s latest Twitter rant. Oh, and she tried to use Google as I.D.

Alternate title for this post: ‘She’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! The triumphant return of Amanda Bynes.’

Writing this post is like reaching the surface of the water and gasping for air after experiencing a near-death drowning experience, y’all. I was almost beginning to worry that we’d lost her.

Now, there’s lots to cover, so let’s get into it.

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Demi Lovato does Nylon magazine and the stories I don’t have time to tell you about: May 23 + 24, 2013.

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Justin Timberlake whines about how no one takes his acting seriously, hates his music career.

So JT is in Cannes at the moment because someone pulled enough strings to get him a role in the Coen brothers film ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’. I’ve seen three films with Justin Timberlake in them now, and let me tell you, someone got the world’s best BJ in order to make this casting happen, because he’s a fucking abysmal actor.

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Good morning, Miranda Kerr’s tits.

Good morning, my pop culture boos, how about a little ‘wardrobe malfunction’ to kick off the morning. I use quotations because when you see the NSFW photos, you’ll see that these photos are far less ‘OMG my top came down’ and far more ‘soooo, these are my breasts… ‘. Think that scene in ‘Friends’ where Phoebe tries to seduce Chandler, but without the bra on:

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