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Ke$ha is about to have her own reality show, and also, a rant about ‘Crazy/Beautiful syndrome’.

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I’m going to file this under ‘things that I will inevitably end up watching regardless of how much I say I don’t want to watch it.’ What can I say? I have no self-control when it comes to trash.

The show is going to be on MTV (obviously) and called ‘Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life.’ You’re going to have to allow me to get a little sidetracked and have a rant for a hot minute here.

The phrase ‘Crazy Beautiful’ really annoys me. It reminds me of the film ‘Crazy/Beautiful’, and my BFF Emily and I have had this conversation many times about what we call ‘Crazy/Beautiful’ syndrome. In case you haven’t seen the film, here’s the trailer:

 

Okay, in a nutshell, this is what ‘Crazy/Beautiful syndrome’ is. It’s the glamourisation of mental illness in film/tv through a couples like Kirsten Dunst and Jay Hernandez in ‘Crazy/Beautiful’. A more recent example would be Effy and Freddie in ‘Skins’ (also Cassie and Sid from Gen 1):

 

Basically, you take a gorgeous girl and then give her a shit-ton of mental health problems, and then give the girl a love interest who is not only in love with her in spite of those problems, but because of those problems. He loves it. He loves that she’s crazy, he wants to be her knight in shining armour, whatever. Even when they get together and he’s like ‘why and how the fuck are you so crazy?’ he’ll stick around because he loves her.

‘Crazy/Beautiful syndrome’ promotes the idea that being fucked in the head is not only okay, but that it’s cool. That it’s something to aspire to. That one day a guy will come along and he will be attracted to you and love you and just totally ‘get’ you and all your little ‘quirks’ and that his love will be enough to fix all your legitimate mental health concerns. There’s also generally a sub-plot that features a sane girl, who is either depicted as boring, or that in comparison she’s just not as alluring to the guy, the undertone being ‘crazy = good, sane = bad,’ in the ‘how to win a boyfriend who’ll love you forever’ stakes. It’s like Mena Suvari’s character says in ‘American Beauty’: “There’s nothing worse in life than being ordinary.”

 

The problem with ‘Crazy/Beautiful syndrome’ is that it’s bullshit. No one is going to love anyone so much that it just magically takes away all the crazy. ‘Crazy/Beautiful’ over there needs to get her ass to a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist and sort her shit out.

This could go on for awhile, so maybe I’ll just leave it for today and get to the part about Ke$ha.

So the show starts in April, and this is what she said to MTV news about it:

“You might have heard my voice on the radio, seen me onstage or in a music video, but that’s only a part of the story.”

“With this documentary series I’m revealing a more complete picture of what my life is really like. It’s not all glamorous but it’s all real.”

Well, it’s safe to say that Jenelle Evans won’t be spending any time with her son Jace in April.

 

Related posts:

Let’s talk about Ke$ha bragging about writing Die Young before Newtown happened.

Jenelle Evans’ mother talks to Kieffer’s mother about how Kieffer got Jenelle onto heroin, and also, Jenelle was involuntarily committed to the psych ward.

Ke$ha thinks Jenelle Evans is awesome. Ooooooof course she does.

Let’s talk about the 2012 American Music Awards.

Reasons I’m not following Ke$ha on Twitter: She tweets pictures of herself while pissing in the street.

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Alicia Keys was named the global creative director of BlackBerry.

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Because apparently she’s qualified for this job? The only way I can make sense of this decision is if she just decided she wanted the job and threatened to perform Girl on Fire for 24 straight hours if they didn’t let her have it, and BlackBerry caved in to what I would consider a global terrorism threat.

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating because I hate that song, I don’t actually have anything against her, necessarily, but this is weird, right? Surely I’m not the only one who thinks that?

This is what BlackBerry’s President and CEO Thorsten Heins said about Alicia:

“Alicia Keys has come to BlackBerry because she believes in the product and technology, and subscribes to our overriding philosophy to ‘Keep Moving’: to empower people through mobile computing and communications.”

“We are excited she will be bringing to us her enormous capabilities, as well as a vast network of relationships in the entertainment, social media and business communities, to help shape our brand and grow our business.”

Meanwhile, Keys’ site says:

“In her new role, Alicia will work closely with app developers, content creators, retailers, carriers and the entertainment community to further shape and enhance the BlackBerry 10 platform, and inspire creative use through its remarkable capabilities and functionality.”

“From music to books, to film, to apps, Keys will lead the charge of enhancing entertainment consumption and distribution, through the power of BlackBerry 10.”

No, you know what? Even after reading the statements I still don’t get it. I don’t know why she would want the job, I don’t know what use she would be to BlackBerry as their global creative director, it doesn’t make sense. I mean… are they just not taking themselves seriously anymore now that they have to compete with the iPhone and the Android? Is this their wink to the public, like ‘Ha! We know we’re a joke now, too!’?

Whatever. I can’t.

 

Related posts:

Obama’s Inauguration. Photos, performances, tweets, and other things that happened that I’m calling ‘The Lupe Fiasco’.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: December 19 + 20, 2012.

Let’s look at what people wore to the MTV EMAs this year.

The stories I don’t have the time to tell you about myself: November 11, 2012.

Rihanna kissed Chris Brown on the cheek, and other things that happened at the MTV VMA’s.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 31, 2013.

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– RiRi covers Rolling Stone, talks about reconciling with Chris Brown, says: ‘If it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake.’ Also, she’s been in the studio collaborating with rapper Iggy Azalea. [GossipCop, ONTD!]

– J Law’s best award season 2013 moments so far. [PopSugar]

– Diablo Cody thinks Lena Dunham is the new Woody Allen. [ONTD!]

– The world’s first Barbie restaurant. [BuzzFeed]

– San Fran 49ers player Chris Culliver is a homophobic cunt who doesn’t understand that it’s 2013 and that basically the rest of the team disagrees with him. [TMZ]

– Bradley Cooper has a foot fetish. [Dlisted]

– JT will perform at the Grammys. [ONTD!]

– 17 reasons why body glitter was the best accessory. [BuzzFeed]

– Josh Groban talks Katy Perry, January Jones and being snarky to LiLo. [GossipCop]

– Courtney Stodden announces the release date of her new music video masterpiece. [ONTD!]

– Listen to the 911 call of the Rick Ross drive-by, you know, the one 50 Cent thinks was staged because he’s a moron. [TMZ]

– Watch Disney’s beautiful, Oscar nominated short film, ‘Paperman’. [ONTD!]

– Lindsay has a new little half-brother because MiLo can’t keep it in his pants. His name is Landon Major Lohan. I will be referring to him as LaLo (like ‘lay low’, as in, what all the Lohans are incapable of doing). [Dlisted]

– Jessica Alba says she does a lot more dancing in Sin City 2. Honestly, does anyone actually think this film will ever be released? It’s been 8 years, already. [JustJared]

– Joss Whedon would love to bring the ‘Firefly’ cast back together. [ONTD!]

– Ew. Surely no one wants to watch Snooki give birth, right? [PITNB]

– JimKim threw Kim K a surprise baby shower. [GossipCop]

– 15 actors and their poor man’s versions. [ONTD!]

– Brit Brit is currently recording a new song for her boys. Let’s hope it’s more ‘Someday (I Will Understand)’ and less ‘My Baby’. [PITNB]

– Barbra Streisand will perform at the Oscars for the first time in 36 years. [GossipCop]

– The internet declares the world is over Lady Gaga. [ONTD!]

– There’s going to be an ‘Entourage’ movie. [GossipCop]

– The most popular dogs in America. [SocialiteLife]

– The feminism of Liz Lemon: A history in screencaps. [Flavorwire]

– Shawn Ashmore and Annie Parisse talk about ‘The Following’. [ONTD!]

 

Related posts:

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 30, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 28 + 29, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 27, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 25 + 26, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 24, 2013.

So maybe Jason London was telling the truth after all?

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So yesterday, I was pretty convinced that Jason London was a drunken mess who had picked a fight and shit in the backseat of a cop car, but today I’m not so sure. Looking at his injuries, it’s pretty clear that the bouncers did a lot more than evict him from the Martini Ranch bar while he was kicking and screaming about it. Jason currently has a right orbital fracture, a sinus fracture, multiple contusions, hematomas, abrasions and a concussion. They’re some pretty gruesome injuries. Meanwhile, check out London’s hands:

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… Not a bruise in sight.

Jason’s rep says that Jason doesn’t remember the whole thing, but that a guy came up to him and accused him of makin’ eyes at his friend’s girl and then got physical with him. According to Jason, the next thing he remembers is being arrested, but not before the bouncers brutally attacked him.

His rep told TMZ:

“Jason’s injuries are consistent with a brutal attack with deliberately and expertly aimed landed shots to the head which, according to eyewitnesses, continued even after he was unconscious.”

The owner of Martini Ranch stands behind their security staff, saying:

“We feel confident that when the time comes between witnesses, police reports and our surveillance footage, that the truth will come out and show that the comments by Mr. London and his people are clearly inaccurate.”

 

This is the thing, though. I can kind of see how the bouncers would be lying. Say Jason was just being an asshole (like his wife said he was when he was drinking) and the security staff got (incredibly) carried away. I can see the security staff lying about the incident to cover their own asses. What I don’t understand is what good would come from the cops lying about how Jason behaved after he was arrested. That is, berating them, being like ‘I’m a fucking famous actor, look me up, bitch!’ and taking a shit in the back of the car. I don’t see what reason the cops would have to lie about that, you know? But Jason’s denying the whole thing. The way I see it, there’s two parts to this story. Jason vs the Martini Ranch security staff and Jason vs the cops. What do you guys think?

 

 

Related posts:

Turns out Jason London is just as insane as his twin Jeremy. He took a dump in a cop car.

PCP’s Favourite – Teen slashers.

‘The Choice’ might be the dumbest reality show idea ever. It’s not a typo.

If you guys see Nick Stahl anywhere call the cops, because he’s missing.

Jeremy London is the new Natasha Lyonne.

LiLo rushed to LA as soon as she realised that her lawyer is an idiot.

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First up, can we just address this abomination of an outfit? What. Even. Is. This? I mean, I’m all for looking like shit while flying, really. I’m like, trackies, no make up, bed socks, uggs, slathering my face in night cream and drinking a gazillion litres of water. But all of that is for comfort. This doesn’t look comfortable, it just looks awful. I shouldn’t be surprised, though. It’s not as though Lindsay spends her life making fantastic decisions, is it? Whatever, let’s move on.

After LiLo’s lawyer pulled his ‘Mean Girls’ sick routine on behalf of La Lohan, apparently he forgot to tell her to maybe lay low for the day, instead of being photographed shopping all over SoHo. You can read the letter Mark Heller sent the court here. Lucky for Lindsay, she’s a huge egomaniac who probably has a Google alert set up for her own name, because when TMZ posted the photos of her shopping, Lindsay found out that the judge could issue an arrest warrant because she was obviously faking sick. I love that TMZ is a better lawyer than her actual lawyer. Hilarious.

Lindsay made a bunch of frantic phone calls to find out if what TMZ said was true, and then caught the last flight out of JFK with Dina when she realised she was about to become a wanted woman. Oh, and that’s a first class flight, just for the record. You know, because Lindsay has so much disposable cash right now. I’m rolling my eyes.

They landed in LA just after midnight, and then at 1am got turned away from not one, but two hotels. The first because Lindsay trashed one of their rooms back in 2007, the second because there were no rooms available. Lindsay and Dina are this generation’s Joseph and Mary, you guys (I’M KIDDING DON’T BE MAD.)

At 8:30am they made it to court:

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Not my favourite court ensemble Lindsay’s worn but her sunglasses are sick.

Finally, my very favourite part of this post is the part I can’t embed, unfortunately. In court, LiLo’s lawyer was struggling to argue that he should be able to represent her without Lindsay being present. This is how it played out:

Mark Heller: I was wondering if the court would entertain, an application going forward, so that in the event that it is her choice not to be present, uh, that I can proceed without her. I know that there was some drama, concerning her attendance today, and with due respect to the court…

Judge Stephanie Sautner: I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.

Lindsay Lohan: *uncomfortable giggle* Thank you.

Mark Heller: With due respect to the court, I, I wanna, say, that I had confirmed personally with her local doctor who had been treating her for a long time, he indicated that she indicated that she did have an upper respiratory condition, and he felt that…

Judge Stephanie Sautner: Is that like a cold?

Mark Heller: Yes. *uncomfortable giggle* In New York City, it’s the flu.

Judge Stephanie Sautner: No it isn’t, in New York City. I still have New Yorker in me. The flu is the flu, it’s a whole different [thing]…

You can watch the incredible exchange here.

Honestly, it’s like she fired her real lawyer and hired Charlie or Jack Kelly.

 

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We’re lawyers!

Oh how excited I am for more court videos of Lindsay’s new lawyer.

 

Related posts:

PCP Polls: Was Lindsay sick? Are you team Frank Ocean or team Chris Brown?

Lindsay Lohan was too “sick” for court.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 22, 2013.

All the latest LiLo drama.

Dina Lohan sold the photos of her black eye to ET (of course) and other LiLo news.

 

PCP’s Favourite – Reality shows, part four.

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Well, I’m a little behind, as always, but here’s the final five, my ultimate favourite reality shows. Honestly there’s not even any real point to having a 5-1 countdown because they’re basically all a five-way tie because I have a ridiculous obsession with each and every one of them. Anyway, here we go:

 

5 Made in Chelsea.

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For a cast with *so* much money, this show is so trashy, and I’m so addicted to it. Here’s the rundown of the cast. There may be spoilers if you’re not up to date.

Amber: She’s fierce. Her friendship with Mark Vincent is amazing. They’re the only ones who stay drama free because they are so rich they’re above it.

Millie: Love her as much as she loves her dewy-foundation. Which is a lot. I love a girl who’s not afraid to throw a drink or slap someone. Also, that time when she’s like ‘sorry, [Herbie, her dog] normally likes other dogs’ to Victoria.

Rosie: Hate her. She sucks. And she blinks too much.

Binky: She’s whatever.

Caggie: God, she’s boring. The Made in Chelsea version of Elizabeth Wakefield. Endless drama and not in a fun way.

Gabriella: She’s insane and I kind of love her for it. She also blinks too much. Like a goldfish.

Cheska: Hate hate hate her. She has the ability to suck the fun out of any situation.

Ollie: Come out of the closet already. He also looks perpetually worried, probably because his life is a big old lie.

Spencer: Wanker. The worst guy on the show.

Francis: One of those kids who is sheltered by his money.

Hugo: Douchebag, but also, babe.

Richard: Not in the show often enough for me to have a real opinion of him.

Jamie: Fun, but immature.

Proudlock: BABE.

Louise: Deserves better than fuckwit Spencer.

Sophia: Ahhhhhhh her and Frances are too adorable.

Victoria: Dog. Leathery dog.

And of course, Mark Vincent:

 

I can’t believe they left out all the times when he says that something is *not* a look. That’s my favourite.

 

4 Teen Mom.

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The problem with this list is that I feel like I have nothing original to say because I talk about all these shows regularly already. But here goes:

Amber: I’ve given Amber a whole lot of shit in the past, but her Teen Mom finale interview and Amber Behind Bars special really impressed me and she seems like she’s doing really well (obviously she’s not in any of the prisons featured in ‘Beyond Scared Straight’) and I genuinely hope that she keeps making progress for the sake of her daughter.

Maci: I love Maci. I know she spends her TM money kind of recklessly (boob job, new car, house that she may not be able to afford when the money dries up), but I think she has good intentions and I can kind of understand why she makes the decisions she does. If I’d gotten knocked up as a teen and then at 19 I was getting huge paychecks from MTV I probably wouldn’t have been financially responsible either. At the end of the day I think she’s a good mother to Bentley and he is the cutest little kid. I mean, look:

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He’s too cute.

Farrah: I feel sorry for Farrah because I think she gets a bad rap because she’s such a brat. And she really is. But I don’t think her behaviour is that uncommon. If a 16, 17, 18 year old me had to deal with Farrah’s parents (who certainly aren’t shining examples to their youngest daughter), I would be exactly the same, and I think a lot of other girls would be, too. Also, Farrah, despite wasting a shit ton of money on surgery she didn’t need to begin with, seems to be the only one who is ever actually shown accomplishing anything, study-wise. I love Maci but I feel like half the show was her being like ‘But I don’t wanna study I just want to play with Bentley forever. LET’S HAVE ANOTHER BABY KYLE!’

Catelynn: Catelynn’s ’16 & Pregnant’ episode fucked my shit up so hard, and her and Tyler are really sweet and I commend them for making what was obviously a very difficult decision when they were very young. At the same time, I kind of feel like them being on ‘Teen Mom’ kind of stopped them from dealing with their feelings about the adoption and moving on from it, because they constantly had to think about it, talk about it, and relate that to their current lives. I hope now that the show is over that they can move on and stop getting Carly’s photos on like, quilts and shit, because that can’t be healthy.

 

3 Dance Moms.

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You know when you start watching something because you think it will be trainwreck-funny but then you actually just end up genuinely enjoying it? That’s what happened to me with ‘Dance Moms’. I was expecting it to be terrible and I would just laugh at the awful mothers and whatever, be done with it. That’s not what happened. What happened is that I got legitimately hooked on it and now I tear up at some point of every single episode because I’m emotionally invested in each one of these girls. I’m not fucking with you, I’m pretty sure I’ve cried at some point of the majority of these episodes. Any time a girl forgets her dance? I cry. When they’re fantastic and their mothers cry because they’re proud? I cry then, too. Any time Abby is mean to Chloe, it breaks my heart because she’s so sweet and such a lovely little dancer. Basically what I’m saying is that I was expecting to watch a trainwreck, but it turns out I’m the goddamn trainwreck. Well played, ‘Dance Moms’, well played.

 

2 The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

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I’ve literally said everything I need to say about this show and how much I love it here, except that I am currently disliking Yolanda because she’s like the fun police for the rest of the real bitches and also, because she claims to be against plastic surgery but it’s like, well why can’t I see your eyes then? It seriously looks like they pulled her skin so far back that they had to create new holes for her eyes, and that her real eyelids are stapled to the back of her skull somewhere. I know it’s mean, but you know it’s kind of true.

 

01 Intervention.

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Ohhhhhhh, Cristy. You know, it’s like 8 seasons later, or something, and there still hasn’t been an episode as crazy as this one. Allison’s ‘I’m walking on sunshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine’ comes pretty close, but even she didn’t do what this one person on YouTube called ‘meth-ematics’, which I think is very clever and made me laugh:

 

… Okay, I just watched Allison’s video, the part where the cops come and they’re like ‘it’s the police’ and she replies ‘the po-po?’ while looking horrified is also pretty great. I’d forgotten about that.

But seriously, I swear I don’t just watch this show to laugh. Drug addiction is some serious shit and most of the episodes I watch while being horrified and then cry and cry when they get better. Also, Intervention has an insane 71% success rate of addicts staying clean post-Intervention. That’s incredible, and I’m all for it.

 

And that’s about it, really. What are your favourite reality shows? Am I missing out on anything spectacular?

 

Related posts:

PCP’s Favourite – Reality shows, parts two + three.

PCP’s Favourite – Reality shows, part one.

PCP’s Favourite: Television shows of 2012.

PCP’s Favourite – Songs of 2012.

PCP’s Favourite – Britney Spears music videos.

Brandi Glanville got a new vagina post-Eddie, LeAnn is still playing the victim.

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I am so Team Brandi, as you all know. But sometimes she is ridiculous, and this is one of those times.

So she has a book, called ‘Drinking and Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders’. Yes, of course I’m going to read it, how could I not? In the book she talks about seeing Eddie and LeAnn flirting on the set of their movie:

“LeAnn had ‘accidentally’ smeared some cake frosting on her top (she was still a bigger girl and completely flat-chested at the time) and asked my husband, not realizing that I was standing behind the both of them, if he wanted lick it off her. This woman asked my husband if he wanted to eat the frosting mess she’d dropped on her nonexistent chest? He hadn’t realized I was there, either, and he laughed with hungry eyes at the suggestion.”

She also talks about how her life fell apart after they broke up.

“I was a jobless, homeless, mother of two living out of her $1,200-a-month SUV and couch-surfing from one hospitable friend to the next. After my divorce — even with the help of Lexapro — I fell into a bit of a tailspin [and an eventual DUI arrest]. White wine became my constant shoulder to lean on.”

So you know, I’m reading this and feeling bad for Brandi because even though she’s kind of insane I have this soft spot for her and she seems really fun on RHOBH. And then this happens:

“This pretty intense surgery had an even more intense price tag: $12,000. A brand-new vagina would be an Eddie-free vagina… I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one.”

And then she gave the surgeons Eddie’s credit card number and let the doctor slice her vag up.

WHAT?!?!

Brandi, I love you, but that’s insane. He’s cheated on you and publicly humiliated you by running off with that bushpig LeAnn, and you’re going to cut up your *own* genitals? I just don’t get it, but whatever makes her happy, I guess…

LeAnn, meanwhile, is still talking incessantly about how she doesn’t like to talk about Brandi, even though that’s all she has to talk about because when was the last time you heard a song by LeAnn Rimes on the radio? I can answer that for you, it’s ‘around the time that “Coyote Ugly” came out’, around the time Jason London was still making films that made it to the cinema. Ugh. Seriously. LeAnn is so pressed that Brandi has more of a career as a Real Housewife than she does as a singer. Bitch can’t even hold a tune anymore because we all watched her butcher her own song and then blame a child for it, right? Ugh, I’m getting so sidetracked by my rage. You can see why I like Brandi, right? All the dramatics, I can relate, you know?

Anyway, so while Brandi’s been promoting this tale of love, loss, alcoholism and vaginal rejuvenation, she told LeAnn to go fuck herself and then added ‘well, she has to, because who would want to?’ ZING. Because she’s ugly. Get it? Ha. But really, I mean, this is classic Brandi, she tells everyone to go fuck themselves. I’m pretty sure she’s told someone to go fuck themselves in every single episode of RHOBH. It’s kind of her thing.

And then, following that up, she talked about her marriage some more:

‘I did everything right, I loved so hard. I loved my children and my family was perfect. I did everything I could do for him and the boys and to make him not want to stray. So, when it happened, especially with someone as attractive as her…’

Points to Brandi for going straight for the jugular. You know LeAnn’s going to be ugly crying about this all over the place over the next few days. Meanwhile, Brandi and her new vag will be out promoting their new book which will hopefully do better than anything that LeAnn has done in years. It’s an automatic win because LeAnn hasn’t done shit.

And then LeAnn posted the same tweet three times about how she wasn’t crying at lunch over these comments but I think we all know that means she absolutely was.

 

Pick your side:

 

Related posts:

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: December 24, 2012.

PCP’s Favourite: Television shows of 2012.

LeAnn Rimes, you’re on my bad list.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: December 14, 2012.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: November 13, 2012.

PCP Polls: Was Lindsay sick? Are you team Frank Ocean or team Chris Brown?

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Related posts:

PCP Poll – Rihanna and Chris Brown, what do you think?

PCP poll – Katy Perry vs Rihanna.

PCP Poll – Minka Kelly or Leighton Meester?

PCP Poll – What’s your favourite Britney album?

PCP Poll – Battle of the (shirtless) Ryans.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 30, 2013.

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You guys, you know how we were just talking about ‘Vanderpump Rules’? I’m watching the new episode right now, and the guy with the crazy girlfriend (whose names are Tom and Kristen, by the way), the one who I think is gay, is pitching a bitch fit because he doesn’t want to go see the Chippendales. He’s all:

‘As a *STRAIGHT* male, the last thing I want to do is going, to frickin’, Chippendales.’

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”. Fucking Hamlet, putting the ‘culture’ back into ‘PopCulturePerversion’.

Also, Stassi may be a batshit crazy bitch, but if my ex-boyfriend who I had just broken up with because he cheated on me and got another girl pregnant turned up to my birthday dinner, I’d be livid. And if all my friends who I was celebrating with then defended him and called me a bitch, I would have a rage blackout and wake up surrounded by a pile of slashed up corpses. Luckily for me, I have amazing and lovely friends who would never do that to me. You guys all need to start watching this show because it’s legit crazy.

 

– Chloe Moretz in Love magazine. [ONTD!]

– I was also just talking about Sweet Valley High, and now, here’s art inspired by your favourite YA literature, featuring my girl Jessica Wakefield and her boring twin Elizabeth. [Flavorwire]

– Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Thomas are reportedly expecting a baby. Well, that explains her ‘evil plan’ face at the SAG awards. [GossipCop]

– Lindsay Lohan’s five best excuses. [SocialiteLife]

– Nick Offerman talks about Ron Swanson’s ‘terrifying’ new turn. [PopSugar]

– Here’s Nicolas Cage in a Superman costume. I don’t know why. Why not? [ONTD!]

– Selena Gomez looks babin’ while pumping gas, but she’s not very good at it because I think it’s supposed to go in the car, not on the sidewalk. [TheSuperficial]

– What if Adele was Mrs Doubtfire. [TheBerry]

– Kristen Stewart ‘never mentions’ the fact that she’s a homewrecking slut to her friends. Weird, right? [Celebitchy]

– Megan Fox on the cover of Marie Claire. [ONTD!]

– An amazing history of women with tattoos, from Kat Von D to Lena Dunham. [Flavorwire]

– Chris Brown is now wearing a cast on his hand. Apparently he hurt it while pummelling it into Frank Ocean over a car parking space. Seriously. I want to waterboard Chris Brown. [TMZ]

– Look how cute Gabby Douglas is in her sparkly purple dress. [GoFugYourself]

– An amazing interview with BJ Novak (Ryan from ‘The Office’) about being BFF’s with Mindy Kaling and guesting on ‘The Mindy Project’. I will be so very upset if/when this show gets cancelled. [ONTD!]

– Ashton Kutcher tweets a creepy photo of himself as Steve Jobs. [PITNB]

– A collection of reviews of Tegan & Sara’s new album. [Idolator]

– Here’s Dakota Fanning being amazing even though she has the most unflattering hairstyle of all time. [ONTD!]

– 26 fascinating polaroids of celebrities. [BuzzFeed]

– Joan Rivers dropped an uncensored F-Bomb on ‘Fashion Police’. [GossipCop]

– Thomas Gibson took a plea deal in his DUI case. [TMZ]

– Have a look in Paris Hilton’s wardrobe. [ONTD!]

– The best video you will watch today: Lance Armstong and Oprah cover Radiohead’s ‘Creep’. [BuzzFeed]

– 50 Cent mocks Rick Ross drive-by shooting, suggests it was staged. [Idolator]

– Whitney Houston’s mother is a homophobe, basically. [Dlisted]

– PopSugar’s Sundance Instagram diary. [PopSugar]

– Here’s a video of Beyonce behind the scenes of her latest ad campaign for new fragrance Pulse NYC. Two things: 1) The disco-ball dress she wears is entirely fierce. 2) I don’t really care about the fragrance but this video makes my heart aaaaaaaaache to be back in NYC right now. My post-holiday blues would probably go away if I stopped torturing myself over it. [PITNB]

– Lucy Hale is going to release a country album. [ONTD!]

– Casey Anthony did a short radio interview about being bankrupt and talks about how she wishes that the civil case she’s fighting with Zanny the Nanny was done by now, because it’s so pesky when you murder your child and blame an innocent woman for it and then they won’t let it go because you ruined their career and reputation. I’d waterboard Casey too, given the chance, but like… who wouldn’t? [TMZ]

– Paul Wesley still looks like a grown up Justin Bieber. [JustJared]

– Watch the live acoustic version of JB’s ‘Boyfriend.’ [Idolator]

– The 35 greatest moments on ‘The Ellen Show’. [BuzzFeed]

– A mother with 19 kids is probably not the best face for an anti-abortion campaign, just saying. [ONTD!]

– The girl Justin Bieber groped says that he didn’t grope her even though in the photo it looks like he’s got himself a big ol’ handful. Whatever, I don’t really care about this. [GossipCop]

– Queen Lizzy’s not abdicating shit. [SocialiteLife]

– I’m not the only one who thought Kaley Cuoco’s SAG dress sucked hard. [GoFugYourself]

– Wait, Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are still together? Get married already. [ONTD!]

– Ashley Judd is getting divorced and I can only assume that it’s because he took one look at her ridiculous egghead hair at the Emmys last year, of which there are pictures of at the link. [ImNotObsessed]

– Whitney Houston’s brother says that he’s the one who got her hooked on crack, but it was the 80’s so it’s nobody’s fault. [Idolator]

– The ultimate celebrity engagement ring slideshow. [PopSugar]

– Jennifer Lawrence has really adorable parents. [ONTD!]

 

Related posts:

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 28 + 29, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 27, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 25 + 26, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 24, 2013.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 23, 2013.

Jenelle Evans may have caused MTV to cancel ‘Teen Mom 2’.

the-cast-of-teen-mom-2

 

I don’t know how to feel about this, you guys.

Okay, so allegedly all the drama and bad press that Jenelle generates has made MTV decide to pull the plug on ‘Teen Mom 2’. A rep for MTV said:

”No decision has been made yet regarding a fifth season of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ but the network is planning to air the fourth season this year and will announce the premiere date soon.”

Honestly, I think I would’ve been surprised if ‘Teen Mom 2’ outlasted the original ‘Teen Mom’s’ four season run, because the original girls are so much more likeable than the girls from ‘Teen Mom 2’. I mean, on the original ‘Teen Mom’, Maci & Catelynn are likeable and Farrah… well… she’s entertaining, and then Amber is a trainwreck. But the ‘TM2’ girls are so frustrating to watch. Leah seems like a sweet girl but she cheated on her husband the week before their wedding, Chelsea is a sweet girl but I cannot watch her get back together with her fuckwit babydaddy again, Kail is an interesting mix of irritating and boring, and well… you guys know how I feel about Jenelle because I blog about her all the damn time.

When I read this I was like ‘but what am I going to watch to get my fix of ridiculous drama now?’ and then I remembered that I still have all the ‘Housewives’, ‘Catfish the TV series’, the upcoming ‘Teen Mom 3’ and my new favourite show to hate watch, ‘Vanderpump Rules’.

Let me just get sidetracked for a minute and talk to you guys about ‘Vanderpump Rules’ because it is ridiculous. I got sucked into watching it because when I downloaded ‘RHOBH’ the pilot was just stuck on the end of the episode and I was probably like 7 minutes into it before I realised that ‘RHOBH’ was over and I was watching a different show. It was late, I’m generally half-watching these shows while I do other things, you know how it is. I’m watching ‘RHOBH’ right now, actually. Point is, this show has some of the dumbest bitches alive on it.

Last week, there’s this girl who’s in a relationship with a guy who I’m pretty sure is gay. I can’t remember either of their names and I’m not invested enough to look them up for you. Sorry. Anyway, they’re both models even though she’s actually not that pretty. Let’s call her Girl #1. Whatever, so her and Stassi (whose name I remember because she’s batshit) are on this photoshoot when one of the other models (Girl #2) is like ‘oh my sister and I used to live with your boyfriend!’ and then Girl #1 is like ‘wait, he slept with one of those sisters!’ and then Stassi is like ‘was it you who fucked him or your sister’ and Girl #2 is like ‘umm… I mean it was a long time ago… ‘ and then Girl #1 flips the fuck out.

Let me clarify a few things for you.

Girl #1 has been with her boyfriend for years. They live together.

Girl #2 isn’t friends with Girl #1’s boyfriend, they had sex once, years and years before Girl #1 met her boyfriend.

Girl #1 gets *so* upset about the fact that her boyfriend had sex with Girl #2, again, years before they met, that she almost throws up and is like ugly crying all over the goddamn place.

So after the shoot, later that night, the boyfriend is having drinks at Sur, where the show is set. Girl #1 stalks over in a huff and legitimately starts fighting with him because he had sex with another girl years before he met her. It is the most batshit insane logic that I have ever seen on any show ever, and I watched ‘The Hills.’

Anyway, I think my point is that maybe I don’t care if ‘Teen Mom 2’ gets cancelled because I’ve found some new trainwrecks to watch. Thanks for sticking with me while I worked that out. Now, if only I could convince Lisa Vanderpump to hire Babs Evans to work at Sur, my reality TV watching experience would be complete…

 

Related posts:

Okay, let’s talk about how Jenelle live-tweeted the miscarriage of her potentially fake pregnancy.

Jenelle Evans is getting divorced. Probably for real this time.

Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers are every dramatic high school couple ever.

The stories I don’t have time to tell you about: January 18, 2013.

Jenelle Evans is pregnant again.